I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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