he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
