very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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