one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize