So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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