she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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