Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
