I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
