As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
