im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
