What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize