Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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