Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize