im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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