Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sober January is a disaster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
