I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
