I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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