i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
