I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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