Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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