just tell him i said nine months
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
