omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
