can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
