At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was born a porn star she said
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
