How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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