are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize