Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
