Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
