Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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