Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize