He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
