you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
