Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am spending my child support on dildos
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize