I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
