; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
