I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize