he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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