If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
