South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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