Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
