I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize