I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
