I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
