don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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