bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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