just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
