I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
