There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
