rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
