So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
