I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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