Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
