i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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