Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
