Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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