I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
