Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
