I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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