Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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