I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
