My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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