hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
