After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
