I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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