Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize