Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
