my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
