Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize