Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
