Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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