Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
