Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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