Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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