Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize