Sry I called you an 8
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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