You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
