I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize