theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My vagina just recognized that song.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
