someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Floor bacon is actually really good
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
