our cab driver is having phone sex.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
