Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
