Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
