The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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