He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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