She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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