and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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