Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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