I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
