I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
