just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
