Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
