Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
