Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
