just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
