I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i love accidental penises.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
